3 great tips for separated parents

Continue and strengthen parent-child relationships

In a 2011 post from the US Census Bureau, it was revealed that parents only accounted for about one in six occasions of being the custodial parent. The remaining 82.2% have to conform to the standard visiting hours that Mark D. Matthews refers to as “the every other weekend syndrome” in his 1999 article in the William & Mary Journal of Women and the Law. .

It is difficult to maintain a meaningful relationship with our children during the short time the courts allot. Can be done. Now I enjoy almost half the time with my children, but at one point I was only allowed 4 supervised hours per week. In fact, we use this time to grow. I have had more reasonable time for just over a year and I feel that we are still closer than many relationships of dads who live with their children full time.

Here are some tips that I found helpful and should also be helpful to you.

Give comfort to your children

Their children were in no way to blame for the separation. However, they will blame themselves if they do not correct themselves. The two people they love the most are now at war. This is the most devastating event of your life and it looks like it will be terrible for a long time. Any damage you feel is multiplied by a thousand for them.

For the short time you have them, put all your pain and anger aside and deal with your pain.

Comfort them. Tell them you love them and assure them that you will always love them. Listen to them but respect their desire not to insist on it if this is how they choose to deal with it.

No matter what they say, don’t speak ill of their mother. Children love both parents and should be allowed to continue like this. Extensive studies show that the negative effects of verbal attack from either parent can cause emotional distress and trauma to children. I recommend reading some of Douglas Darnall’s research on his website http://www.parentalalienation.org.

Make every second count

With a reduced time, prioritize the children. Your errands will still be there when your kids leave. Spend time with them.

You want them to know how important they are to you and then give it a try. Since finances are often limited during this time, use parks and libraries. Whatever you do, interact with them.

When your child is away from you, you want him to remember a happy and safe time when he had fun with you present. It is too easy for children to remember their most prominent quality as absent. Do not reinforce this perception by being distant while you are present.

Just manage your residence

You will undoubtedly hear things about what happens in his other house that will irritate you. If you and your ex could agree on some things, you wouldn’t be an ex. Provide your children with a comfortable and safe second home where your rules and guidelines are followed. Over time, you may be able to establish the same frontal approach to the rules. If not, the limits you set are your rules in your house, their rules are how things go there. Don’t waste time with what you can’t control.

Trying to enforce the rules in the other home undermines a parent’s authority. If you create chaos in the other house, you are hurting your children. They need stable homes both with you and outside. You can’t guarantee that the other home will be comfortable, but at least don’t add stress to your child.