Conflict resolution: 7 keys to start a conversation about something that is really bothering you
Posted On July 17, 2022
Do you have a situation at work where you need to confront someone about something unacceptable they are doing?
This type of situation requires a private confrontation, a “fierce talk” with the person who has the problems. This is a concept I learned from the book. fierce conversations by Susan Scott. To start this conversation, you need to craft a 60-second opening statement. That’s right… only 60 seconds… so practice it. The following is what will go in your opening statement with examples:
- name the problem: “Joe, I want to talk to you about the effect your behavior in meetings is having on me.”
- Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change: “An example is last Friday’s staff meeting when you stood up, pointed at me and yelled at me saying I had to do things your way.”
- Describe your emotions on this topic.: “I feel like I don’t have your respect when you act this way. It makes me not want to work with you, and I do want to have a good working relationship with you.”
- Clarify what is at stake: “The bottom line is that this prevents us from working together to achieve common goals, plus it makes us both unhappy and makes everyone else in the room uncomfortable.”
- Identify your contribution to this problem: “I was to blame because I let you continue doing this without speaking.”
- Indicate your desire to solve the problem: “This is what I want to work out with you, Joe: the effect losing my temper is having on me and the rest of the team.” (Note: important to use the word “resolve” in your conversation)
- Invite your partner to respond: “I want to understand what’s going on from your perspective. How can we have a better working relationship?”
Then shut your mouth and listen. She may be surprised at what happens.
Try this with someone you have a conflict with and let me know how it turns out.