Daddy Ball – The painful reality of youth sports

What do I mean by “daddy ball”? I am referring to a situation in a youth sport like baseball, football, soccer, hockey, basketball or any other competitive youth sport where a father coaches the team and plays his son above where he falls athletically. In short, daddy ball refers to the coach’s son playing in preferred positions or increasing playing time to the exclusion of other more athletically gifted competitors.

Having raised two sons, I can say that there is nothing quite as painful as watching a coach play the game to promote his own son’s talents. When a game is played and it clearly revolves around the coach’s son, unless he’s the best athlete on the team, it’s dad.

In baseball, you might see daddy’s ball coach’s son batting ahead of players with higher batting averages, playing shortstop or throwing often and not getting the job done. In football, it usually involves more playing time and the position of quarterback or running back or, in most short and goal situations, you can mostly see a kid who gets a chance to be the hero and score the touchdown, of course, the coach’s son.

Regardless of the sport, the concept is the same: when a child gets time to play or a position that he does not earn through his own hard work and athletic ability, or if others who can do the work do not have the opportunity, then the child of the coach can play more – it’s daddy ball.

I believe that coaches who play their son above where he falls athletically are cheating his son, the other guys, the team and himself. What do I mean by that bold statement?

A coach who doesn’t make his son earn his spot has, in effect, trained the boy to expect something for nothing. Moving on over time, the boy expects things to be given to him and has little incentive to do the hard work necessary to beat other young athletes and actually earn what he gets.

Would that be the kind of employee you’d like to hire outside of college? So I say, the coach who didn’t make his son really earn his spot on the team has cheated on his own son.

It’s easy to say that the other teammates who may have higher batting averages, or were otherwise in better shape to play a spot, were cheated because the coach’s son was able to play it.

Young boys have few; in as high regard as their coach, if they put in the effort, have a good attitude, and can beat another kid, they deserve to play the spot.

A coach, who won’t play best guy for the job to work on another agenda, improving his own child’s skill, shouldn’t be coaching the team.

Daddy Ball also serves to mislead the team, as a team, because when the guys don’t play where they are lowered athletically, the team will be less competitive and the guys will be less motivated. Resulting in a team that is not all that it could have been.

Well, how does the coach who plays daddy ball fool himself?

A coach who puts his son above his athletic ability to the detriment of more qualified kids has failed in his primary mission as a parent, which is to properly prepare his son to leave the nest and stand on his own two feet. When children don’t experience winning by their own efforts and truly competing, they suffer.

How do you avoid daddy’s dance?

The main way to avoid the dad dance is to train the team yourself. But if you do, take a careful, objective measure of each child’s athletic ability and play accordingly, lest you fall into dad’s role as coach.

One way to lessen the impact of daddy ball is to have your child be part of a team led by a parent whose child is clearly the best athlete on the team. In that situation, it will be difficult for the coach to play the son over more athletic kids.

Or if you can afford it, the best way to avoid daddy ball is to play with your kids with a coach who doesn’t have kids on the team. This will be a professional paid coach or someone who really loves the game. If you choose the paid coach route, ask the paid coach tough questions before you join the team, as some paid coaches seem to feel beholden to the parent who helps coach or put together the team and you may find your child back on the team. same situation. you were trying so hard to avoid.

It has been my observation that coaches who play daddy ball generally deny the situation. They usually have eyes for a guy on the team, theirs.

Some coaches feel that by coaching the team they have earned the right to play with their child wherever and however they want and for the reasons stated above, I say find another team.

Talking to dad’s coach has little chance of success because it involves his own son. If you talk to the coach, be very careful to keep the conversation about facts and not opinions.

In baseball, that may mean keeping batting statistics or another objective measure depending on the sport and the situation. You can give the coach the batting averages of all the players on the team and he will receive the message without a spoken word.

With dad’s coach, your son’s best option may be to finish the season and more carefully select another team next year.