Love and dating: make it your business

Adam is 37 years old, single, and a successful financial analyst. Adam has a history of selecting quality people to work for and profitable businesses to start. Therefore, he has created a loyal group of colleagues and clients who trust that whatever project Adam invites them to participate in, everyone will benefit.

Celia, a 47-year-old medical researcher, was happily married for 20 years before her husband died suddenly. Subsequently, Ella Celia threw herself into her work and made many significant contributions to science. She has such a good name in her scientific community that she is frequently invited to meetings and conferences to share her discoveries and participate in other important research projects.

Both Adam and Celia derive great gratification and pleasure from their professional activities. But none of them is totally happy in their lives. Despite their professional achievements, Adam and Celia share a secret: they each yearn for a loving partner, a partner with whom to share their successes and their lives.

Celia’s desire to remarry led her to join an online dating website. She set about creating a profile to attract the kind of men she wanted to meet. Instead of using her research institution’s personal photo, she invested in professional photos that reflected her passion and her spirit. She also asked people she knew to set up blind dates and began attending events where she could meet other singles who shared her interests.

Adam knew that he would have to make finding a life partner a priority, and that dating would require his best time management skills. He built an effective online dating profile, learning that being specific about what he wanted could also help various family members and business associates suggest women to date. He was diligent in making email and phone contacts and scheduling in-person appointments. If Adam had to travel for business, he would try to schedule dates to meet women he had screened ahead of time.

Adam and Celia found the dating process to be a rocky road.

They became frustrated that the investment of their time often turned into rejections and dead ends. Staying focused on dating was especially difficult when each was invited to participate in professional projects that promised greater gratification. Adam was drawn to new business ventures that required more travel; Celia had a hard time turning down offers that made her feel loved, competent, and productive. Instead of continuing to be discouraged and frustrated by dating, they filled their lives with more work.

Situations like Adam and Celia’s are typical of many singles today. Their lives are very unbalanced: while they are successful in their professional lives, they feel the opposite in their personal lives, especially viz. Relationships Because their work activities provide them with an environment of dominance, they have frequent opportunities to feel wanted, competent, and capable. Rather, their personal lives are filled with uncertainty, with little predictability about the outcome of any date or relationship.

What can singles do when they feel pushed away from pursuing a relationship by the familiarity and comfort of work? How can you stay focused on achieving your relationship goals when you encounter so much frustration, disappointment, and rejection along the way?

The key is to identify the behaviors in your professional life that contribute to success and then adapt them to your personal life.

For example, when Adam goes to professional meetings or seminars, he pays close attention to people who ask questions. If he thinks someone makes a good point, he’ll look it up later to get to know each other better. Adam is often successful following his instincts in this way and meeting potential new partners or clients.

Adam can take advantage of this strategy in his personal life. By listening carefully to what others are saying when he attends classes, parties, or other social functions, he can move into conversations about mutual interests and learn more about a person to start a potential relationship.

Celia uses the scientific method of “testing hypotheses” in her research and then collects information to prove or disprove them. To get meaningful results that her colleagues trust, Celia must ensure that she uses reliable tools and methods to conduct careful and thorough investigations. This gives Celia confidence that her results will contribute to a particular area of ​​science.

This strategy can also be used during dating. Celia can gather information by asking questions, listening to responses, and observing the behaviors of her dating partners. Celia may use the information she collects to determine whether or not she wants to continue in a relationship.

Most successful businessmen (including Donald Trump, of course) acknowledge that “the art of negotiating” takes a great deal of time, patience, and commitment. Finding and creating a lifelong relationship is really no different.

These are just a few ideas on how to apply successful business strategies to your personal life. Undoubtedly, there are many others. Make it your “business” to find love. Identify the skills you already use to get results in your work life. Then see how these strategies can be applied toward the goal of finding and creating a rewarding lifelong relationship.

© Copyright 2005 Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.