Married to a Chinese

Daria and Alvin’s love story

Daria and Alvin put online on one of the websites where people exchange languages. It was March 2014 and at that time she was living in Harbin (North China) and he was living in Shanghai. They have started exchanging letters and emails as friends. After several months, they couldn’t imagine life without each other’s messages. In the summer of 2014, he convinced her to move to Shanghai. It was a very bold decision for her, to go alone to a big city with a boy she had never met in real life, but it felt so good that she did not hesitate. He left his job in Harbin, said goodbye to his friends, and moved to Shanghai. Finally, the stars aligned for them when they met on August 28, 2014 in Shanghai.

3 years later he proposed for Mount Fuji while the cherry trees were in bloom. This was the most romantic place and the most romantic proposal that he could ever imagine. During the last 3 years they have traveled extensively in Asia, adopted 2 cats and got married.

Questions for her

On our first date …

We visited the Bund at night, then went to one of the biggest parks in downtown Shanghai and spent the whole night sitting on the bench and talking until 4am.

For the first few months of dating, my deciding factor would be

he pushes me to be intimate too early, also if he has no manners or seems to be too boring.

I learned that He is right for me when …

I got to know him better, I knew how ambitious and responsible he was. Also when I learned his views on life and plans, which were similar to mine.

I had a culture shock when He …

got sick and refused to take pills, saying he just needed to drink more hot water!

Three things I love about Him are …

1. I love that you are a very talented artist. 2. I love that he has a great sense of humor and makes me laugh all the time. 3. I love that he is a very open person when we are alone, he never hides his true feelings and is honest with me.

The biggest mistake about your country and your culture was …

I used to think that China is not that developed, but a poor country where people wear those triangular straw hats and grow rice. Apparently, big Chinese cities like Shanghai or Guangzhou are even more developed than most European cities.

The most beautiful thing he did for me was …

during my first week in Shanghai. I lived in the hotel and he would come to my hotel early in the morning before work to bring me breakfast. That was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me.

During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was … the fact that it should be more flexible. It’s not that important to be right all the time, and sometimes you should just back off to avoid unnecessary arguments and other problems.

If there is one piece of advice I could give to my Western friends who are in relationships with AMWF, it would be …

that you should not look for a life partner based on their race. I think if someone wants to be with you just because you’re white or Asian, these relationships won’t last forever. We must first look at the personality and soul of the person. And if your soulmate comes from a different culture, the most important thing is to keep an open mind and embrace the different culture, no matter how unusual it may seem.

Questions for him

Asking her out for the first time was …

I was very nervous all night, but I felt like I was my oldest friend. We keep talking all night.

I learned that she is right for me when …

There was not one specific moment, but those countless moments that overwhelmed me with how much I needed this person in my life. Those moments like when he left a love note in my wallet before my business trip …

I had a culture shock when She …

I go through culture shock quite often, which is why I am so drawn to it. It scares me how much he loves coffee and wine. Maybe this is not a cultural thing (we all know that coffee and red wine are not in Chinese culture), but I am more of a “hot water boy”. Drink more water, it is good for your health!

Three things I love about her are …

1. Her compassion (she cries every time we see a stray animal, and we’ve helped rescue many kittens and puppies, including two of our own cats) 2. Her righteousness (you never want to cut the line in front of her!) 3. His eyes!

The biggest mistake about your country and your culture was …

that Russians drink vodka. Vodka is a Russian thing, but not everyone is crazy about vodka in Russia …

The things he likes to do with me for fun are …

traveling, watching movies, exercising, reading, and all the other things couples do.

He hates when I …

This is a very difficult question because she is my biggest fan, she never hates what I do or say. I did not lie. Oh! He hates when I lie. Also, she’s our ‘know-it-all’ little miss, so she hates when I give unnecessary advice.

During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was …

Growing up as a Chinese, I could never imagine ending up with a girl from another country. Chinese family and upbringing could be quite intense, so it didn’t allow me to stop and appreciate the present and progress. It is always about the result (exams, ranking in school and class). It is very different from my wife’s cultural background, where they grow up with friends and siblings, having fun and going on excursions all the time. There are very different settings and values.

What I have learned from our relationship is to accept and respect these differences that we have. It took us a while to fully understand this, but now I’m starting to appreciate the difference between people and culture even more. The fact is that we are all very different people, no matter our nationality or race, we will always be different. The moment that people begin to realize this, they could improve their relationship with anyone, including friends, family, or coworkers, it is very valuable. This is how we create a connection, through our differences.

If there is one piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are in relationships with AMWF, it would be …

respect her because she is a special human being, not just because she is Western. If you love her because of her racial background, she will eventually disappoint you. Their racial background might be something special that appeals to you at first, but there is so much more to a person than just this. Before diving into the serious relationship, you need to ask yourself if you see her as a woman like no other or if you put the “western label” on her. If you’re ready for option 1, let’s get over that stereotype together.

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