No commitment, no sex: what to do if your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you

You are stuck. You could never have imagined it would be you. You and your boyfriend have been dating for longer than you’d like to admit. You waited patiently for months for him to ask the most important question and present you with a stunning diamond engagement ring, but the wait isn’t over yet, is it? He doesn’t seem any closer to proposing to you today than he was on your first date. It’s frustrating. It’s daunting and confusing. If he loves you as much as he constantly says, why the resistance? Beyond that, what should you be doing? You’ve been toying with the idea of ​​giving him an ultimatum. You’re thinking that since he’s hiding the one thing you really want, which is a committed future, you should play that game too and hide the one thing he really wants. But is cutting off intimate contact really the way to get the wedding of your dreams?

Why an ultimatum won’t get you what you want from it

The moment a woman threatens her man with an ultimatum designed to get him to commit, she can say goodbye to the dream of being his wife forever. Most men don’t do well when they’re emotionally cornered, particularly around something as changeable as a commitment. If you tell your boyfriend that you won’t sleep with him until he becomes your fiancé, you can also start packing his things so you can get him out of your life.

Men do things on their own schedule. It’s the reason it takes a man three hours to take out the garbage or six months to paint a room. When they feel the time is right to do something, they gladly do it. Hence the reason why he has not yet sported a stunning diamond ring on his finger. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to ask you to be his wife, and taking sex out of the equation certainly won’t speed it up.

What happens when you stop having sex with him?

If you follow through on your threat not to have sex with him until he proposes, he will resent you deeply. The same is true if you decide to take a more subtle approach and simply stop sleeping with him in the hope that he will suddenly realize that he will lose the closeness the two of you share unless he decides it is time to become your better half. .

Intimacy is a very important part of a relationship, particularly a relationship that you hope will result in a lifelong commitment. If you remove physical intimacy from the equation, you can expect emotional intimacy to crumble as well.

Your boyfriend is likely to absorb your refusal to sleep with him (whether it’s an outright “no” or a simpler approach like “My head hurts”) as a personal affront. He will be desperately hurt and an emotional barrier will be created between the two of you that will be very difficult for you to overcome.

Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel

If you actually feel less connected to him because you’re hurt by the fact that he doesn’t want to get married, let him know. Explain to him that physical and emotional intimacy are intertwined for you, and since she feels somewhat rejected by her refusal to marry you, it makes it more difficult for you to feel closer to him physically.

It’s important to realize that men tend to view physical intimacy very differently than we do. They can separate their emotions from it and are better able to enjoy sex for what it is physically.

If you calmly and compassionately explain to him that you long to live your life with him and that you feel uncomfortable continuing to be intimate without some sort of promise, expect him to take it back. It’s important that you don’t tell him you won’t sleep with him until you’re engaged. Make it clear that you want to be intimate, but it would have more meaning if the two of you were on the road to a more committed relationship.

Let him know that his needs and wants are as important to you as his are to him, and that you hope he will eventually see the future with the same eyes you do.