Pleasing People: Can Childhood Trauma Make Someone Like People?

If someone has a need to please others, it can prevent them from living a life in alignment with their true self. In doing so, your priority will be to do what other people want and what they think they want.

Then it will be normal for them to focus on what is happening externally and seldom be in contact with what is happening internally. In fact, they may not be in touch with their own needs.

Self-neglect

Of course, they may know when they need to eat and sleep, but that could go as far as possible. On the other hand, they could often overlook these needs and only eat and sleep when they have gotten the go-ahead from others.

If they live this way, it could mean that they have no inner world; the outside world will be both your focus and your point of reference. So instead of acting as a separate being, they will act as an extension of others.

An experience

However, this does not mean that the average person realizes that people like him. The reason for this is that they may have reached a certain level of “success” and appear to be someone who has.

The feedback they receive from others can also allow them to create the impression that they are strong and have it all together. Consequently, it may be someone who does not fit the usual “people-pleasing” model.

Another experience

If someone fits this model, it may mean that they are not very “successful” and may seem very calm. They can do almost everything they can to help others.

This approach can allow them to receive a fair amount of approval and therefore be seen as a “good” person. It may not be unusual for people to say that he is a “disinterested” human being.

An accumulation

Still, no matter how much self-centered love you receive from others, this love being approval, acceptance, and attention, it will not make up for the fact that you have abandoned yourself. Beneath the pleasant exterior they often present there are likely to be many “negative” feelings.

Deep down, they can carry a lot of anger, rage, resentment, and hatred. Still, because your need for approval is so strong, it is unlikely that you will rarely allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings, much less express them.

Washed

What they may find is that, from time to time, they get to a point where they can no longer behave in the same way. This can be a time when they will feel completely drained and will not have the energy to do anything.

This experience will likely seem to come out of nowhere, and this is because they will be too out of touch with themselves to see the signs. Their needs will be largely ignored, so it is to be expected that they will burn out regularly as a result of spending so much time with nothing.

Endurance

However, because your need to please others is so strong, you may not allow yourself to fully carry this experience. As soon as they start to feel better, it won’t be long until they are back to the way they were before.

The source of energy they use to do this is likely a product of their mind: willpower. The energy that their body would provide them will not be available to them, due to the bad connection they have with this part of them.

The same old story

There may come a time when it is simply not possible for them to continue in the same way. After neglecting yourself for so many years, your body will have said enough is enough.

This part of them will now be in the driver’s seat and will not allow anyone else to take over. However, before one gets to this point, it might get to the point where they know something must change.

Drawing the line

If they were to seek support, they could be told that they need to change their thoughts and behavior. Through the cognitive-behavioral therapy approach, they will be able to experience life differently.

Now, after taking this route, you may find that your life gradually changes; at the same time, they may find that it doesn’t work. It can be difficult for them to tune in to themselves and feel insecure when they behave differently.

Deepening

What this can illustrate is that your need to please others is a symptom of something else that needs to be examined and resolved. If it has been that way for as long as you can remember, it can show that it was not safe for them to be in touch or express themselves during their early years.

This may have been a time in their life where they were abused and / or neglected on a weekly, if not daily basis. They wouldn’t have felt safe being in their body and just being and being super focused on their outer world, being hyper-vigilant, would have been a way of experiencing a sense of control and trying to prevent the inevitable.

The past is present

Many years have passed since this stage of their life but a large part of them will continue to live in that environment. To be more precise, your nervous system will have adapted to its environment early and will still be wired for survival, not thriving, and for protection, not connection.

Therefore, while it may be easy to view liking people as something quite trivial or as a sign that one is “weak”; it may be a reflection of something very serious. The problem is that because today’s world is so mind-centered, the nervous system is largely overlooked and it is often believed that “everything revolves around the mind.”

Conscience

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If you can relate to this and are ready to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.