Two words that will change your life: tame perfectionism with art therapy

Perfectionism, as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a willingness to consider anything less than perfect as unacceptable. I see this with people of all ages, from the child who has a meltdown because his art project doesn’t look good, to the teenager who has an eating disorder because he feels fit, to the mother who feels like he has to be. Keep up with everything at home or things will fall apart, for the professional who is driven to achieve success but never satisfied. I believe that the drive to be perfect is so ingrained in our culture because of the media portrayal of perfect homes and bodies on television and in magazines; to our homes, where parents struggle to work, pay bills, keep the house tidy, take their children to endless activities and appointments, supervise homework, and prepare last-minute baked goods for school fundraisers .

What are the implications of living a perfectionist life and what can you do about it?

People who feel the need to be perfect judge their worth based on what they have accomplished. If they don’t meet your expectations on one aspect of a project, they may consider the entire project a failure. These individuals cultivate their self-esteem based on the results and are compared to these standards (self-imposed, but influenced by how others look, have or achieved).

We are all guilty of this to some degree, however when this is the only way we operate it becomes a concern, because whatever you do will never be good enough. inability.

As a parent, you have a tremendous influence on your child and if you seek perfectionism by trying to be, do it, have it all, your child will do the same. If you convey to your child that his self-esteem is linked to what he does or how he acts, he has modeled perfectionism. Instead of praising results, such as rewards for good grades, parents can emphasize the qualities the child exhibited to achieve his goals, such as perseverance and dedication. Life is a learning process, and by demanding or criticizing when things are not right (by your standards) you diminish learning opportunities. So instead of stepping in to solve your child’s problem or rescue him from “doing it wrong,” give him a chance to try, offer support by asking what he needs from you. Yes, this can lead to a poor grade, a messy room, or sibling conflict, but the rewards are far greater: developing problem-solving skills, learning natural consequences, and realizing that what you do is different than who you are.

As an adult, if you were raised with high expectations or critical parents who didn’t teach you to solve problems but told you what to do, you may be a perfectionist. Your need for order and control may prevent you from having significant vulnerable relationships due to your fears that your blemishes may be exposed. Many perfectionists keep too busy to avoid some of the deep feelings they have. They may be afraid of being overwhelmed by emotions and choose to shut down or turn off their feelings. What you need to know is that your desire for psychological security prevents you from having wonderfully open relationships. It also makes you feel chronically bad, because you are never good enough. Here’s the secret, it really is about self-acceptance and self-love. When you are able to embrace all aspects of yourself, the things that you consider good and bad, you open the door to live a fuller and happier life, not only for yourself, but also for those around you. So here are the two words that will change your life: good enough.

If you want to explore this further, take out some basic art supplies and a large sheet of paper. Make a line in the middle of the paper. On the left side, draw a picture or use collage images to create a picture of your critical self (however you want it to look) and the right side make an image of your accepting self. See what the image and the process discover. Practice saying “good enough” this week when you try too hard to get it right.