Counseling for Depression and Anxiety

Some depressions and anxieties can be alleviated by incorporating caring self-talk and supporting self-esteem and assertiveness. We tend to do to ourselves and to others what was done to us in childhood. Now, as adults, we must give ourselves all the healthy things we needed from healthy parents. Here are some things you can do to change the basis of depression and anxiety:

Step 1. Write down the negative things you think about yourself, others, and your circumstances. This activity will bring into your awareness the negative thinking and self-talk that is common to many types of depression and anxiety. Negative and self-critical self-talk demoralizes the ego and manifests as feeling depressed, melancholic, sad, anxious, fearful, and doubtful. This low mood and anxiety affect sleep, eating, and low energy. Common examples of negative self-talk are: I’m incapable, I can’t do it, I can’t be loved, I’m a failure, I failed again, I can’t do it, nobody wants to talk to me, nobody cares about me, etc.

Step 2. Write statements that are self-care, caring, reassuring, supportive, and validating. This exercise helps identify the opposites of negative self-talk: I can do it, I have many skills, I am loving and kind, I can get what I need and want, I deserve to be happy, I can be successful, etc. . .

Step 3. Write down the negative things your parents said or communicated to you when you were a child. Here you can write what you thought the parents felt about you because of what they said or did, such as: I wish you had never been born, I don’t like you, I don’t care about you, I don’t want to be around you, You’re in the way, you’re a nuisance, you should be seen but not heard, etc.

Step 4. Write down the things you needed or wanted your parents to tell you when you were a child. Here you can write the things you wanted or needed the parents to say or do, such as: I love you no matter what, I’m so glad you’re in my life, you can succeed, it’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, Everything will be okay, sometimes i felt the same as you, you can do anything, you are good at it, thanks for helping me, you are very kind and caring etc.

Step 5. Write down what you would do or say if you saw another child being treated the way you were treated in #3. If you heard someone say mean things to a child or slap a child, what would you say? You might say things like: You have no right to say that, Be nice to the child, The child needs your love, You need to support your child and be reassuring, careful, loving and caring, You need to be encouraging, etc. .

Step 6. If you had all the positive things you needed from healthy parents as a child, how do you imagine your life could be different today? If your parents had said encouraging, loving and supportive things to you when you were a child, how do you imagine your life could be different today? This step helps you formulate and create a vision of how your life can be different in a healthy way. The depression that comes from negative self-talk is a form of self-abandonment and self-abuse. The ultimate self-abuse and self-abandonment is self-harm and suicidal thinking. Rather, hope, optimism, self-esteem, and self-confidence form the basis for a stable state of mind and a sense of security, confidence, well-being, inner peace, personal power, and happiness.

Step 7. You must now be to yourself all the things you needed your parents to be to you: encourage, nurture, love, care, support, and reassure. This means that you need to tell yourself and be to yourself all the positive things you need from healthy parents. If no one else can provide the care he needs, who leaves that? Ultimately, you are the one who should take care of yourself. So this means you have to choose healthy people to be in your life, and you have to support yourself and that other caring person. This way you will be taking care of yourself. Another important piece is standing up for yourself and supporting yourself when others treat you badly.

Step 8. You must be assertive and say things like: I don’t like your tone, I deserve more respect than that, I deserve a raise, I feel annoyed when…etc. Take care of that boy or girl who was abused and mistreated. That boy or girl is still inside of you and needs your protection. I know for you now what you needed then. Will you defend him or her?