Domestic violence and emotional abuse in the home

Domestic violence crosses all ethnic, racial, orientation, religious, and socioeconomic lines. Some societies feel that a man has the right to be physically aggressive as a means of asserting his authority. Bullying behavior comes in various forms. Some approaches are wrapped in feelings of love or even affection. Men often use a woman’s love for them to make her feel obligated to give them the sex they need. Men cannot understand why women are not more willing to cooperate with sex. Men get frustrated because women control their sexual opportunities. Men often use any means available to pressure their partner to please them.

Domestic violence or abuse is a deliberate strategy to control women rather than an impulsive act. Abuse is learned behavior. It is learned by seeing abuse used as a successful control tactic, typically in the home in which the abuse grew up, but also in schools, peer groups, and the media. The behavior is specific to the target. Men who abuse do not use this behavior at work. They use abuse in the home as a means of control over their partners.

Abusers often use violence or defense mechanisms to justify abusive behaviors, extreme jealousy, and conflicting personalities. Abusers deny responsibility for their actions and also often deny that any abusive behavior took place. They generally have a different personality outside the home than indoors, making it difficult for a woman to describe her experiences to outsiders.

Abusive behavior can include physical abuse (violence aimed at causing bodily harm) and sexual abuse (forcing a partner to perform sexual acts against their will). Psychological or emotional abuse can precede or accompany physical violence as a means of control. Economic coercion is used to make the partner dependent on the abuser for money and survival.

Domestic violence (violence in the home), with women and children as the main victims, is a major global epidemic. The majority, approximately 90 to 95 percent, of victims in heterosexual relationships are women. In the US, beatings are the leading cause of injury for women (more incidents than rapes, muggings, and car accidents combined). It is estimated that at least 3 to 4 million women are beaten by their husbands or partners annually in the US Women can also abuse their children. Women abuse more typically verbally than physically. Given the absence of physical injuries, emotional abuse is rarely identified.

A woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant. About half of all marital relationships involve some form of domestic violence. More than half of female homicide victims in the United States are murdered by their male partners.

Men tend to express their emotions primarily through violence. But you still have to wonder why men have such strong negative emotions towards women in the first place. Men’s sex drive and women’s lower sexual interest is certainly one of the reasons why men may resent women’s control over them. Another possibility is the greater inclination of women to argue articulately when it comes to discussing relationship issues. Men are much more likely to hit or be silent rather than offer a rational discussion on emotional issues.

A woman stays with a man because she loves him and believes that he can change. Men have many moments when they are generous with their affection. A woman can try to be perfect so that her partner shows her loving side. Unfortunately, an abuser is driven by his own emotional needs and therefore continues his behavior regardless of his actions. Sex can be a male problem, but women can be sentimental to their loved ones. Men know this well and often use a woman’s love as a means of bartering for sex.

There are several factors that appear to place certain women at somewhat higher risk for abuse. Young women (19 to 29 years old) are at higher risk. Separated or divorced women are 14 times more likely than married women to report having been victims of domestic violence. However, it is likely that the separation or divorce was the direct result of the violence.

A woman can have sex during her period and during pregnancy. It does not hurt. Not all women want. They may worry about being unclean or that sexual intercourse will harm the fetus (only in the case of rape). They can also use their period or pregnancy as an excuse to take a break from regular sex that men require. The later stages of pregnancy leave the woman less able to defend herself. Medical sources suggest that about 37 percent of obstetric patients are physically abused during pregnancy. About 21 percent of women who were previously abused report an increase in abuse during pregnancy. Increases the risk of injury to the woman and her fetus.

Women who have an overly jealous or possessive partner are at higher risk. Women who abuse drugs or alcohol or are in a relationship with someone who abuses drugs or alcohol are at higher risk. Men who have witnessed domestic violence between their fathers are three times more likely to abuse their own wives than men who have non-violent fathers.

You deserve a man who loves you, respects you and is attentive to your needs. Don’t feel like you have to settle for less. (Stephan Labossiere 2018)