Entering another point of view

Our ability to take another person’s point of view (POV) leads us and our clients to accept other people more fully and ultimately reveals the felt sense knowledge of the koan-like question. “who is another human being?” More on that another time.

As our clients develop and improve their ability to take another’s point of view, it is natural that they discover a greater sense of connection and compassion for the people in their lives. They find it easier to fully appreciate where another person is.

When we ‘understand’ where someone is coming from, it is natural to treat them with more respect. It is natural to feel an open heart.

However, when our clients are still wrapped up in their own emotional pain, slipping into someone else’s point of view is not only difficult, it’s often experienced as harmful – the LAST thing they want to do. However, once you have gone through acceptance and integration, the breadth of the heart is more available. It is easier to enter the other’s point of view.

One of the most tenacious emotional entanglements is the psychological energy in the regret-shame continuum. It binds us with its sticky pain and distorted thoughts.

James was deeply troubled by the way he treated his daughter on the way to school. He yelled at her about a misdemeanor. The look he saw in the rearview mirror broke her heart.

After freeing himself from the pain of his regret, he hit upon a patch of deep remorse and shame. Taking the point of view of her young daughter, we explore the landscape and find where she was injured in that encounter.

From her point of view, she was angry and hurt. All she wanted to do was get out of the car and walk away from him.

Often simply compassionate awareness of what is going on with another person is enough to discharge the energy.

However, with James we decided to resolve this tension with integration. We use Deep PEAT 4 (Prime Energy Activation & Transcendence). The relief and love that flooded her face after this job warmed my heart. She knew that shame and remorse would no longer be a problem for him.

The next time I saw James, he not only reported being more patient with his daughter. He also found that he was more curious about her and her experiences.

One unexpected consequence was that it was generally much EASIER for him to see things from other people’s points of view. Feeling easy compassion. Since James is a doctor, the value of easy sympathy seemed invaluable to him.

I found that the timing of inviting another POV is absolutely critical. When personal pain is resolved, our clients can more easily slide into another’s point of view. But while they are still bound by some pain, accessing another’s point of view can be extremely difficult and tends to be more intellectual than sincere.

Is helping clients slide to another point of view part of your job? What challenges have you faced in helping clients access other points of view? What win?