Forgive your past in the heart of an inspiring memory

The Girl in Your Wallet by Teresa Nickell is the second updated edition of her powerful memoir and personal development. Teresa has written a book of vulnerability and courage. The title refers to a photo of herself that Teresa carries in her purse. She describes this photo as:

“I’m about four years old, I’m wearing a nice dress and a bow in my hair. The black and white photo, tattooed and worn, is very old. I carry it with me to remind me to show compassion for my minor children.” She didn’t deserve what happened to her, nor did she understand it. What happened should never have happened. What she should have avoided. She was confused, scared and she just wanted to be hugged. those things were available to her. She lived in a world where children weren’t seen, they weren’t heard, and they didn’t do much good.”

Now well into her fifties, Teresa discovers that her childhood self is still a very important part of her life and she needs comfort. “He loved her. He hated her. I was her.” Drawing on trauma therapy, Teresa continually reminds the girl that she will take care of her and that she is important, but also that she is no longer in charge of her, but rather her wiser adult self.

Teresa shares her full life story in these pages, exploring the dysfunction she endured as a child with troubled parents who drank or engaged in extramarital affairs. In the midst of this dysfunction, she Teresa learned thought patterns to protect herself from her, patterns that she realized no longer serve her. She says of the girl in her wallet: “We got into some trouble, her and I. We learned how to manipulate and influence others. Behind this manipulation was a desperate and endless need to find ways to defuse angry situations.”

Her childhood dysfunction led Teresa to enter early domestic dysfunction. She got married at seventeen because she was three months pregnant. She and her husband were more interested in partying than caring for a child, so eventually her husband’s mother adopted the child, a decision Teresa felt guilty about for years, though over time she realized that it was the best decision for her son.

Over time, Teresa’s first marriage fell apart. Later, her drinking and drug use landed her and a boyfriend in jail and prison. Although the repeated trips to jail were a wake-up call for Teresa, who began attending Alcoholics Anonymous and changed her life, she still made some bad decisions, like marrying her boyfriend while she was still in prison. For me, one of the most revealing moments in the book was when Teresa talked about why so many women date men in prison. She says, “I have first-hand experience: inmates make great boyfriends. They always call when they say they will and are happy to see you on visiting day. They are full of compliments on how wonderful and beautiful you are, and then there are the gifts.” .” But she also reveals that these men often play on women’s emotions and may be dating multiple women while in prison.

Once clean and sober, Teresa entered the workforce, starting out working minimum wage at a bakery. Eleven years later, she owned the multi-million dollar corporation. Owning a business led to new life lessons as well as ongoing struggles with her past. She developed “imposter syndrome,” the feeling that she wasn’t really a business owner and that she didn’t deserve her success, and the fear that others would recognize her as an impostor. Despite these obstacles, she continued to grow, heal, and thrive. Perhaps most importantly, she learned to give back. She began teaching other women in prison, helping them prepare to transition back into the world in a healthier way.

I am happy to say that over time, Teresa replaced dysfunctional husband number two with a husband who truly has her back, loves her unconditionally, and is always there for her. The many things Teresa has learned about relationships are powerful and revealing. For example, she states:

“One of the negative beliefs that I carried from my past to my relationship with Mark [husband number two] was that if a man truly loves you, he will hit you. My first marriage had further reinforced this. So, I did everything I could to irritate Mark to the point of violence.”

Teresa also devotes a fair amount of space to how she worked through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to become sober and how she realizes, but by the grace of God, she could go back to the lifestyle she previously had.

Each chapter ends with a study guide to help readers reflect on what they’ve just read and how it might apply to their own lives. Readers will find plenty to chew on here. Far more than simply telling her story, Teresa provides deep insight into many issues that our society must address, such as how we treat offenders who have left the prison system. This book is also about whether Christian congregations everywhere are offering unprejudiced love to convicted felons and welcoming them into their fold. Should churches ask for a resume in the first place?

She also speaks honestly about how her AA sponsor led her to a relationship with Jesus Christ and an understanding of God’s role in our lives. In the end, she has realized that we can’t always control our lives, but we can trust God to work out the details.

By sharing this story and by healing and leaving her past beliefs behind, Teresa Nickell has become a whole new person and shows that we can all do the same.