How to write and pronounce a compliment, even if you are afraid to speak in public

The eulogy is pronounced like this: / Yule-ah-gee /

A eulogy is simply a speech about a loved one who has died. This speech is usually given during a memorial or funeral ceremony. While it is often given by a close friend or family member of the deceased, it can also be administered by a religious leader.

Don’t stress about giving a eulogy. Think of it as a simple conversation with family and friends about the life of the person who passed away. Remember, the funeral or memorial service is usually only attended by people who in some way cared about the deceased. They are eager to hear about the deceased and will appreciate anything you say.

Also, almost EVERYONE is afraid to speak in public, so the “audience” does NOT expect you to deliver flawless speech. In fact, if you “mess up” a little (or a lot), the audience tends to coalesce around you even more. They really do!

There is no “right way” to write a eulogy. Since most people have no idea what a compliment is supposed to sound like, you can create it any way you want. Here are some things you may want to talk about:

· A brief “life story” of the person who has passed away

Achievements and important events in the life of the deceased.

Details about family, friends, work, and hobbies

Favorite memories of the departed

Most compliments last between 5 and 15 minutes, but there are no hard and fast rules here. You can also deliver “bullet” compliments. This is where several different people take turns talking about the deceased. For example, each of the children of a deceased parent could give a short speech about their respective favorite memory with the deceased.

Dividing a compliment into separate bullets gives others the opportunity to participate in services and takes the pressure off a single speaker. Even if each person speaks for a moment, it will seem like a longer, more robust speech because each person needs time to walk to the podium and then return to their seat.

Basic steps:

1. Write a short chronological summary of the key events that occurred in the person’s life from birth to death. This will often remind you of various crucial events experienced by the person (for example, graduating from college, getting married, serving in the military, starting a business, etc.) that may be worth mentioning.

2. Write down your favorite memories of the deceased. Ask others (friends, relatives, co-workers) if they have favorite memories that you can share. Often times, people have things they want to say during the funeral, but are afraid to speak up or are not given the opportunity.

3. Make a list of some of the things that were important to the deceased … things that you were passionate about. This can trigger stories of your own that you can incorporate into your speech.

4. Combine all of your thoughts, ideas, comments, and memories into one giant list. Go through this list and decide what things you want to include in your speech.

5. Organize your chosen comments in some sort of order. For example, you might want to organize by:

Chronological date in which the events occurred

· Common themes (eg, family, career, work, hobbies).

· Speaker (if you plan to use panegyric bullet points); Develop a schedule that shows when each person should speak.

6. Write your speech. You may feel more comfortable writing the entire speech, or you may just decide to use note cards with a few sentences that will trigger your memory so you remember what it is you want to say. Again, there is no one correct way. Some people will memorize the speech and never need to consult their notes; others will watch your speech and read it word for word without even looking at the audience. Use the method that is most natural to you.

Your speech can be serious, light-hearted, or a combination of both. The most popular is a mixture of seriousness and humor. Funerals are a combination of sadness and celebration. People will cry at funerals, but it’s okay to laugh too. Really is!

Plus, since no one other than you will see what you’ve written, you don’t need to worry about grammar or spelling. All you need is to have something in writing that reminds you of what you want to say.

7. Practice saying your speech out loud in front of a mirror. This will help you develop a natural speaking rhythm and highlight any verbal or physical habits that may distract your audience.

8. Bring a fair copy of your speech to the funeral home. You can write it word for word or just make some necessary note cards to activate your memory. (Be sure to number the note cards so you can keep them in order.)

Additional tips:

1. Focus on honoring the deceased rather than worrying about how your speech will sound to others.
2. Take a deep breath before beginning your speech. This will help you regain your composure and lower your heart rate. This will also help you speak in a slower and more controlled way.
3. Have a drink of water before you speak (or bring something to drink with you to the podium) to prevent your mouth from drying out.
4. Remember: it is okay to show emotion. If you get excited and start crying, it’s perfectly normal (even if you’re a man!). No one will think less of you. Take your time to get your composition back, but if you can’t, just say “I’m sorry, but I can’t continue right now” and return to your seat. The funeral director or member of the clergy will intervene and continue the ceremony from where it ended.

One final thought: I am honored to be asked to deliver a eulogy. You would not have been chosen if you had not been special to the deceased in some way. Others know and will HOPE you are hurting too.