Life transitions: when life signals the need for a change

Every day brings transitions for all of us

What exactly is transition? Well, in a word, transition is change.

Some transitions are positive in nature, such as marriage, graduation, birth, and career advancement. And some are less positive in nature, such as job loss, illness, separation, divorce, and death. Transitions happen in our bodies, with our relationships, in our professional careers. Change happens constantly in our lives, literally every day. There are also other types of transitions.

Transitions and Life Development

Perhaps the most personal transitions any of us go through occur simply as we live our lives.

The normal developmental phases of life are great transitions in themselves as we move from childhood to adolescence, from young adulthood to our childbearing and rearing years, to middle age, and finally to our later years, though we may not recognize the magnitude of the impact. as we move through them.

We experience the mental and physical changes that transition brings, most of the time in small ways, almost imperceptible while we are experiencing them, the changes are so small.

Consider the intensity of finding our sexuality at puberty and the resulting cacophony of feelings and emotions that result. Then, as young adults in our childbearing years, our babies’ growth during pregnancy for which almost every day brings us a transition as the baby experiences its own amazing transitions. As we mature, we again go through the menopausal transition and eventually the onset of various aches, pains, and other changes as we age.

Perhaps one of our most exciting yet challenging transitions is from an individual to a couple, perhaps eventually to a family with children, and the changes it brings to every aspect of life.

Blurring the line between positive and negative change

Finally, there are those transitions that blur the line between being positive and being less. Take, for example, moving to a new house or location. We must consider the context of the move to understand its effect on our lives.

For example: Jim and Amy’s move is the result of a change in assignment as they are both in the service. They are used to this life and, if pressed, they would admit that they love the excitement of seeing new cities and meeting new friends. They may feel the pull of the relationships they have left behind, but they have been through this many times and realize that the friends they have made are friends for life.

For Angela, the move is the result of a separation from her husband. She is aware of a certain level of fear and uncertainty as she prepares to become the main earner for her and her three children.

His transition to a new life, while planned in some ways (a new job he worked for) and unexpected in others (the breakup wasn’t his idea) is distinctly different from Jim and Amy’s. However, with the support of his therapist, she has allowed herself to begin the process of leaving one life behind for another, and is surprised to feel a little thrill every now and then.

As you can see, whether expected or not, positive or less, transitions can, in fact, often be very stressful.

To begin again, we must endure endings

It would seem that a change or transition means something new, and it is. But before we begin again, we must endure some kind of ending.

For example, in the transition to menopause, we must leave behind our ability to have children. In the transition to a new career, we leave the previous one behind. And in the transition to being married, we leave our single status behind. With every transition, even those that one would think are positive, we experience a loss that can be even more confusing.

Consider positive transitions like getting married and having a baby: two wonderful transitions filled with excitement, sometimes confusion, often doubt and questioning our ability to “get it right.”

Therapy and Life Transitions

Would a therapist know how to help with “life transitions”?

Consider our marriage and family therapist, Mary, as she takes a look at several of her appointments: Start your day with Alex (yes, marriage and family therapists see individuals!). Alex faces the decision to accept the long-awaited promotion: the transition! Although he has been working for this promotion for years, when he finally offers it to him, he begins to question his motivation for working so hard in the first place. He should be more excited; after all this is what he wanted.

Another client is Ruth, who returns after several years looking for help with an upcoming divorce – transition! Originally, Mary saw Ruth for tort counseling after her mother’s death (yes, she guessed it, another transition).

Ruth’s situation illustrates another benefit of therapy during the transition process. The process itself can mimic the emotions that many clients feel when they are grieved. Therapy can help you process these feelings and develop a more realistic perspective.

Ruth is likely to experience the pain of losing a long relationship, along with the natural activation of feelings that the memory of her recent visits to Mary will bring. She has made the right decision in seeking help. A therapist has her experience and training to provide her with compassion and guidance through many of the changes she will encounter in life.

Whether the life transitions you are going through are expected or unexpected, positive or less, seek out an understanding therapist to help you; No need to try to get through it alone!