My Husband Only Cares About Himself and He’s Ruining My Marriage: Tips and Advice That Might Help

Sometimes I hear from wives who feel they are not an equal partner in their marriage because they don’t have an equal voice. Some feel that their husbands care more about their own feelings than theirs.

I heard of a wife who said, “My husband is so self-centered. He only thinks about his own feelings and himself. He never thinks about my feelings or the feelings of our children. My husband is like a spoiled child who never grew up. Every Once he doesn’t like his job, he decides to uproot us and move in. If one of his friends or family says he misses him, he automatically invites them for an extended stay without consulting me. If a friend is between jobs, he doesn’t think to offer him a spare room that we don’t have. He never considers how our family might feel. It never occurs to him that we might be tired of moving or that we might want some more stability. It’s like his feelings are all that matters. He never does anything good. for me or compliments me. When I ask him to consider my feelings, he says I’m being petty or I need to play along. I’m so tired of this. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m so close to asking for the div orcio. I love my husband and I love my family. intact. But he doesn’t care how I feel he gets so old. What should I do?”

Regardless of why your husband acts this way, a marriage is an equal partnership. Everyone’s feelings count: Some men grew up in a generation in which the man’s wishes or feelings counted for about twice as much as the wife’s. And in this same era, women were considered to be too emotional or too needy. I had no way of knowing if this wife’s husband was raised in that generation, but that’s one perspective.

Another possibility is that some people are raised to believe that they are the only ones who matter. Some fathers pamper their sons so much that those same men grow up thinking that their opinions and feelings count most. And while her husband may not have had any control over her upbringing, he is now certainly in control of his actions.

It is very important that you do not sit quietly and allow him to downplay or belittle your feelings. You are not being petty or asking too much to want your feelings to matter. You are hoping to have an equal voice in your marriage. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, your children will grow up with your marriage as a model for their own. Nobody wants their daughter to think that her feelings don’t matter and nobody wants their son to think that her feelings are the only ones that matter. So I fully support you here and support your insistence that your feelings and needs are just as important as his. You can’t expect to have a healthy marriage if they don’t.

How to handle it when your husband doesn’t seem to value or care about your feelings. (Attack the behavior and not the person). I think the worst thing you can do is not say or do anything and hope this resolves itself. Also, many wives will try to blame, shame, or coerce their spouse into doing better. The thing is, negative strategies often don’t work. You don’t want to use negative reinforcement to bring about positive change. For me, the best strategy is to be very direct and firm with your request and then shower it with praise once your request is fulfilled.

So in real life, this is what that strategy would look like. The next time the husband dismisses the wife’s feelings, she might respond with something like, “We’ll have to discuss that. Two people make the decisions in a healthy marriage based on both people’s feelings. But you’re the only one take the decision”. decisions based on your own feelings. I know you wouldn’t deliberately hurt me, but when you don’t seem to care about my feelings, it hurts a lot. I need to have the same opinion and I need to know that what I feel matters to you. I’m your wife. I know you love me. But I need your actions and behavior to reflect that love. And when you don’t consider my feelings, I’m just not feeling it.”

Keep in mind that you haven’t made any nasty accusations or insinuated that your husband is a horrible, selfish person for not caring how he feels. She can sometimes act selfishly, but there is a big difference between acting indifferent and self-centered and being an unpleasant and self-centered person. It is very important to understand this distinction. Because when you approach your husband and make it sound like a personal attack, he will get defensive. But if you object to the behavior and not the person, then it’s a whole different story.

The next step would be to catch your husband worrying or considering your feelings and then praising him to whoever wants to listen. Because to stop this behavior, her attention must be drawn to it, then she must make a conscious effort to stop it. And when she does, she must be given positive reinforcement so that she will want to keep doing it. People will act in ways that are beneficial to them. If he sees that caring about your feelings makes things better for him, then he probably wants that to happen.