Never Let Go- How to Hold on to Hope During Grief

Does everything seem hopeless? No future? Is there no place to turn to get the help you really need deep down? Is there anything that could make a difference in the way you feel? Despite the image and meaning you carry at this moment when you see the word hope, trust this: it is a safe way out of your emptiness and despair. You just need to turn it on.

Hope is often seen as a will-o’-the-wisp, an often talked about, but hardly practical, factor in dealing with life’s various problems. This belief is generated by the fact that hope is poorly understood and seems to work best when you are unaware that it is behind your positive behavior.

So what can you do to build hope, keep it alive, and use it to deal with your great loss? Consider the following.

1. Begin the process of building and maintaining hope by never forgetting the following advice from William James, the eminent psychologist, teacher, and author: “The best weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” Paste your quote where you will see it often. What you think is the cornerstone of hope.

2. Hope is first and always a choice. We all forget that thoughts are extremely powerful in the way they affect the mind and body. In this moment, make the decision to choose a hopeful thought. Here it is: I am beginning the process of going through the darkest night of my soul. You don’t have to know how at this moment, just that you intend to be moving through it. Keep telling yourself that you will prevail.

3. You can start generating hope right now by looking for connections. There isn’t a psychiatrist alive today who won’t tell you how critical it is to find connections in his life, especially in this moment of loss. Do your best to be with the most loving people you know; they are full of hope. Go to them if they can’t come to you. His very presence will be a hidden source of hope that on an unconscious level will help you immensely.

4. Hope has to do with possibilities. No matter what the nature of your great loss, there are always ways to deal with it and sources to turn to for the information you need. You can discover many possibilities by finding a quiet place and writing them down as you examine the alternatives. You’ll find even more if you do the same with a best friend, counselor, or clergyman. The possibilities are always out there; finding them is the job of the tort. And he is fueled by hope. Keep doing a thorough search.

5. You’ll also find hope in one of the least suspicious places: a grievance support group. It takes courage to come to a support group. Once there, you find others with similar struggles. Your hope level rises when you see them confront their pain and win. You will feel a palpable hope arise when, after four or five meetings, members begin to ask if anyone in the group would like to come out for dinner after the meeting. A bond has been formed and hope is the hidden motivator.

6. An infinite source of hope is another connection: your awareness and belief in a power greater than self. You can call this your Higher Power, God, Allah, the Almighty, the Absolute, the Great Spirit, or the Universal Source. However you view this Power, it is an eternal connection to hope. It is there for you to turn to for wisdom and strength, even if you have been remiss in your commitments.

This Power is always with you, in the darkest nights, and especially if your spiritual progress has been slow. It can also manifest in a vision, a sense of divine presence, or an extraordinary experience involving your deceased loved one.

Hope requires practice if it is to bear fruit in times of great need. So you need to take action and reach out to connect whenever you feel hopelessness creeping into your life, especially in this difficult time of loss. And then make the search for hope come full circle. Review each day how you are progressing in loving, serving, being kind, and strengthening connections with your social network. All of this will instill hope in your life as you cope with your loss.