Maggie stood in the kitchen, wiping her hands on the dish towel, trying to keep the threatening irritation from turning into rage inside her. She looked out the window at the damp heap of raked leaves in the center of the yard. The rake was leaning against a tree, somewhat sheltered from the downpour, but after six straight days of rain, he guessed the wood was beginning to swell and the metal to rust. However, she didn’t know how to get her husband to finish what she had started, after telling him no less than seven times in the last two months. This scene and many like it are repeated over and over again in American homes every day. This article provides wives with some proven methods (when used in combination) to solve the problem of Lazy Husband Syndrome!
Tip #1: Appreciate what you DO do
Before Maggie starts complaining and criticizing her husband for his lack of ambition around the house, she must first show appreciation for the things her husband actually does every week. If he goes to work or looks for work every day, she should thank him. If he is putting away the dishes or preparing dinner, she needs to affirm him for those things.
Tip #2: Be clear – Be courteous – Be respectful
If a wife wants to work at home, she simply needs to ask her husband in a clear, courteous and respectful way, probably in the same way that he is treated at work. Men are more motivated to do things for people who respect them. Wives, in general, have difficulty learning to speak the language of respect for their husbands. And assuming that she knows what is expected of him is rarely helpful. A simple, “Are you going to finish tending the leaves in the backyard?” without any negative or critical tone is usually enough to finish the job.
Tip #3: Schedule the time
Many husbands rely on their wives to schedule their weekend “time off.” If your husband still has a project to complete, let him know, “Honey, would it help if I took Johnny to soccer this Saturday so you could have that time to finish the backyard?” It is important to communicate with an attitude of “helping” versus “criticizing.”
Tip #4: Yes, “The answer” is usually more sex!
As crazy as it sounds, in an anecdotal survey by therapist Michelle Weiner-Davis, men whose wives initiated and responded positively to sexual advances more often had husbands who did more housework, without even asking them to! Definitely something to think about!
Conclusion: To positively impact our husbands, we must first change our own behaviors to become clear, respectful, and positive! When wives act like this, everyone wins!