Seven ways to make your children feel special

Many happy and successful people have been raised by working mothers. It is not the circumstances of life, but how we perceive those circumstances and what we do that has the greatest impact. Each person decides whether challenges will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones to joy and success in life. Understanding this does not negate the struggles and concerns of working mothers, but it can offer hope and a foundation for dealing with struggles in ways that benefit children rather than harm them.

Let’s start with your beliefs. It is a myth that children with a working mother are automatically more deprived than children with a stay-at-home mother. Many stay-at-home moms are just as busy as you are. However, children often adopt the attitudes of their parents, or learn to manipulate in areas of weakness. If you feel guilty and afraid that your children are being deprived, chances are they are feeling deprived. They may develop a victim mentality, or they may play off their guilt for special privileges. On the other hand, if you have an optimistic and courageous attitude, your children will be influenced and learn from you. Always ask yourself if you are using the best parenting techniques. Give up the belief that you have to make it up to your child for being a working mom. He presents your circumstances with a positive attitude: “That’s right, and we’re going to benefit from who he is.” There is always room for improvement in the way parenting is dealt with.

The greatest gift you can give your children is a hopeful outlook on life no matter what their circumstances, and all circumstances, no matter how difficult, offer opportunities to learn and grow. Focus on how you can make the most of your current opportunities as a working mother to help your children feel special. The following are five possibilities.

Make time for hugs No matter how busy you are, there’s always time for a three-second hug. That’s a substantial hug that can lift your spirits and change attitudes for you and your child. Sometimes a hug can be the most effective method of stopping bad behavior. Give it a try the next time you feel exhausted or your child is whining and see for yourself. Give hugs in the morning, right after work, several at night, a longer one just before bed. You will both feel very special.

Host weekly family gatherings Twenty to thirty minutes a week is a small investment of time with big rewards. Children feel very special when they are listened to, taken seriously, and have their thoughts and ideas validated. That is the immediate reward. The reward in the near future is that you can solve many daily problems during a family gathering. Your children can help you create morning and bedtime routines and find creative ways to manage household chores. It’s amazing how much more willing children are to follow the rules and plans they’ve helped create. The long-term payoff is that children learn important life skills, such as communication skills and problem-solving skills. Think about the benefits to your future jobs and relationships. It takes much less time to hold weekly family gatherings where children learn to cooperate and problem solve than it does to nagging, lecturing, and nagging. During busy times, parents often find relief or create a distraction from a problem simply by inviting the child to put the problem on the family meeting agenda. Everyone learns to trust that a respectful solution will be found soon.

Ask for help. Children need to feel needed. It’s very different when you ask for help in an engaging way instead of lecturing and nagging. “I’d appreciate anything you can do to spruce up the living room before dinner” usually invites a lot more cooperation than “How many times have I told you not to leave all your stuff all over the living room!” Children feel special when they are helping. They don’t feel special when they are scolded and belittled.

Spend a regularly scheduled special time. This does not take a lot of time and can be comforting for parents and children when it is part of the program. Very young children need special time every day for ten to fifteen minutes. This does not mean that you never spend more time than that. It means that you have scheduled a special time for you and your child to count on and look forward to. One mother scheduled time with her daughter to read books or play from 5:30 to 5:45. Her daughter loved helping her mother prepare dinner first as she looked forward to her special moment. If the phone rang during the special moment, Mom would say, “Sorry, I can’t talk right now. It’s Tara’s special moment.” Tara would smile. After age six, 30 to 60 minutes a week works well. She may be able to talk teens into a date night just for the two of you once a month. The amount of time is not as important as the attitude created by the “special” time scheduled. Children feel special when they know that time with them is just as important to you as all your other appointments and chores. At other times when you’re too busy or too tired, kids won’t feel slighted (and you won’t feel guilty) when you can say, “I’m too busy or too tired right now, but I’m looking forward to it.” our special moment.”

Share sad and happy moments as part of your bedtime routine. When you put your child to bed at night, take a few minutes for him to tell you about the saddest thing that happened to him that day. Just listen respectfully without trying to solve the problem, this is some great parenting advice. Then share your saddest moment of the day. Follow this up by taking turns sharing your happiest event of the day. You may be surprised at the things you hear when your children have a few minutes of your undivided attention to assess their day and hear about yours.

Take a few seconds to write a note for your child’s lunch box, pillow, or mirror. One busy mom decided to put a note in her daughter’s lunch bag every day for a year. She took time on planes or while she was waiting for an appointment to write various notes or silly rhymes in advance, such as “Roses are red, violets are blue, every day, I think of you.” notes to put in the lunch bag for each day she was gone. Her daughter’s friends gathered around her at lunch eager to hear the news of the day. Her daughter felt very special.

When you run a short errand in the car, ask one of your kids to come along, just so you can spend as much time as possible together, these tips are a great way to parent. You can make this a big deal by creating a chart during a family gathering so you can check whose turn it is. During these walks be a hidden listener (don’t ask questions). You may be surprised at how much your children can open up and start talking when there is no “inquisition” telling them to shut up. Just let them know how glad you are to have a few minutes to spend with them and share special moments from your own life or day. Children feel special when you share yourself.

Helping your child feel special is a matter of planning and habit, not a lack of time. The added benefit of making it a habit to help your child feel special is that you will feel like a special mom or dad.