Stopping the Divorce: Three Things You Really Need to Fix

When married couples start tossing around the “D-word,” this means that things have already gone from bad to worse. Stopping the divorce means first making a commitment to save your relationship. There’s a reason you two got together in the first place, what happened to that? And you know that there are happy couples who have weathered the storms for 30, 40, 50 years and even longer. Let’s start right now.

How do you communicate?

Lack of communication is the biggest relationship killer in the world. Without good communication, your marriage is over and it’s as simple as that. But what differentiates good communication from bad?

– When things go wrong, it is bad to blame your partner. It’s also bad to wallow in guilt if you’re the one to blame. Instead, when your partner does something wrong, forgive them and offer them another chance. When you’re the one who made a mistake, take responsibility for your actions and vow not to do it again.

– When talking about things, it is bad to rush and try to fix things. When we talk to each other about serious things, what we need is a good listener. This means someone who offers sympathy and a good ear. What we don’t need are advice, opinions and solutions.

– Never say “yes” when you mean “no”. A relationship is a bond between two people, and both need to be happy. Be honest about what you expect and need, and never give up when you feel like it’s not right.

– Never use silence as a weapon. The cold shoulder gets you nowhere. If you find it difficult to share your feelings, try writing them down in a letter. Do whatever it takes to let them know how you feel.

How do you deal with cheating?

Cheating is another common reason for divorce. Most people say that if their partner cheats on them, that’s it; it’s finished. You will never be able to trust your partner again. This is easy to say, but when it actually happens, it’s more complicated than that. It is never so black and white.

When faced with the real thing, most of us try to figure it out. Many marriages have suffered from infidelity and have bounced back to be stronger than ever. A cheater will most likely continue to lie to minimize the damage, but what you need to do is put all your cards on the table.

The reason for this is that cheating is just a symptom of a deeper problem. You have to get to that problem and fix it, or else it will happen again. So trust must be rebuilt. It takes a long time for this to happen, but it can be done if you are committed to it.

we all change

Marriages lose their spark, their sense of adventure. They become just friends, or worse, partners in running a household. Sex and intimacy disappear, and some people who want to get divorced even tell their partners, “I don’t love you anymore.” This is usually caused by changes in their lives and their marriage has not been “upgraded” to deal with these changes.

Most people don’t realize how easy it is to regain this intimacy. Not only can you get it back, but you can get more of it than ever before. Schedule some time to spend together without distractions. Go on dates like you did when you first met. Imagine that you have to conquer your partner again. This is a guaranteed strategy that will help many marriages regain the spark and keep divorce out of their lives.

Marriage takes work, and sometimes it’s easy to forget. Stopping the divorce means making a commitment and putting some time and energy into your marriage. Work through your problems, and you’ll have a marriage that’s stronger, healthier, and more exciting than you ever expected.