The effect of the nipple; Obsession for breasts in relationships

Tall and slender, Melissa is the kind of woman most people would turn their heads for. Her eyes are expressive and full of life, and she seems to know how to use this beautiful, lively face and body to her advantage. Her friends adore her generous and cheerful personality and often compliment her on the good work she has done to change their life. Now she is aware of her inner beauty and works hard to preserve the gift of her outward attractiveness. She learned to love herself.

Melissa was not so happy most of her life; in fact, this newfound peace of mind has been eluding her for a long time.

Until ten years ago, Melissa suffered from a serious eating disorder. He was practically saved thanks to the tireless efforts of his mother, his family and his professional help (the GP and a therapist).

In her therapy sessions, Melissa learned about her own body image, her perfectionistic attitudes toward herself and others, her critical nature, and her need for control. The brave work paid off; Melissa had beaten the disease and then took a hard look at what she considered a productive, creative, and comfortable life.

Four years ago, Melissa became romantically involved with a young man she came to love and respect, she wanted to marry him. Steve was captivated by her beauty and personality, as well as her quality of life, her positive energy, liveliness and yes, her culinary skills. They did not like spending time apart and decided to move in together. They were both working on their respective careers and slowly building their love nest; a beautifully decorated house that loved to come home to.

On a Saturday night a couple of weeks ago, Melissa and Steve went dancing at the club where they met. They do this often and they are both good dancers. This time, however, a young woman danced alongside them. She was wearing a very short red blouse, revealing firm abdominal muscles, her large breasts were accentuated by the low-cut design and her nipples stood out through the red fabric. Steve seemed intrigued. The young woman looked at him and smiled. When Melissa and Steve returned to their seats, he was still staring at the woman in the red blouse. Melissa sensed his fascination and felt that something inside her had just been provoked. She let him know how it made her feel. Steve kept saying (defensively) that he was just looking and that looking is not acting, acting, etc. His words didn’t help her emotional state. If anything, those words made it worse.

Within a week, Melissa reverted to her old eating disorder behavior. He reviewed his tendencies to starve himself and purge after eating. He became obsessed with perfecting his surroundings, controlling, judging, and feeling miserable. Melissa lost confidence in Steve; projecting his not good enough state onto him and he felt depressed. Melissa had backed off.

Let’s go back to Saturday night at the club. Steve, at the club, was unaware of Melissa’s distress. Reacted to external stimulus; exposed breasts and nipples in their proximity, why? What’s wrong with that?

In my recent book Booby-Trapped, How to Feel Normal in a Breast-Obsessed World, there is a discussion (including historical research) that explores Steve’s theory on this culture and how young men became so obsessed with female breasts, or with being more visually descriptive; ‘booby trap’. Steve is reacting to the woman in the red top as he reacted to Melissa a few years before; with fascination, provocation, sexual attraction and intrigue. However, his apparent callous demeanor at the club is an area that requires improvement. Steve belongs to this generation in which large breasts are considered one of the main attractiveness criteria. It is a kind of code that we are teaching our young people. It is now a mental health hazard with many painful consequences. And it is a family problem that is becoming severe, like eating disorders.

Back to Melissa. Instinctively she felt threatened by Steve’s reaction and recoiled in depression. Why such a strong reaction from Melissa? She has a very attractive, slim and sexy body. She also has large breasts. Did I mention that Melissa underwent breast augmentation surgery as part of her quest for self-improvement?

Well, as you have already learned; Melissa is at least as “caught up in explosives” as Steve; that is, she is obsessed with the size and shape of female breasts. These emotions and concern for parts of the body like the breasts often hide deep feelings of shame for femininity and self-worth. It’s no wonder she feels threatened by the sight of large breasts intentionally displayed by another woman, attracting her man’s attention.

Melissa, as well as many women of her generation, had accepted the culture-induced ‘norm’ of large female breasts.

What example will you set for your future children? How will you “deal” with breastfeeding, motherhood, aging, life, and other maturing processes?

Notice how it wasn’t her bare, firm stomach that triggered Melissa’s regression, but her boyfriend envy, large dancing breasts, and conspicuous nipples that started the domino effect.

What Melissa is about to learn is actually the message and motto of the Booby-Trapped book, How to Feel Normal in a Breast-Obsessed World; http://www.boobytrapped.com

The size and shape are human tissues,

Shame and fear are human problems!