Tips for newly married couples
Posted On July 6, 2023
In modern society, it is rare to find people who can create time to counsel and guide young married couples. People get married and no one has time to take the new couple through orientation. Churches have played an important role in premarital counseling over the years, which is highly recommended. At least that exercise prepares both of them for the long journey ahead. After getting married, it’s important for the newlyweds to take some time to grow together. In this article, I mention a couple of tips that can help newlyweds walk a smoother path of joy, peace, contentment, and fruitfulness.
– Reality will set in – be real to each other – No time to pretend for each other. Beyond the honeymoon is when most people’s true colors become even clearer. Hopefully there are things you may not already know that you will come to know about your partner. This is so because sometimes the courtship period is so short that there is no time to discover reality. During courtship, the couple tends to pretend to each other. We look our best at all times, we smell good, we arrive on time, etc. When reality sets in, very few people manage to stick to the original perfect game plan. Be the real you to avoid stress.
– Take time to learn from each other and adjust accordingly – Do a SWOT analysis on each other. Know your partner’s strengths and weaknesses. They should start to encourage each other in areas of strength and also help sharpen their partner in their area of weakness. In fact, two is better than one.
– Clearly define the roles of each person – Who is in charge of finances? Who is in charge of household chores? Where there is no definition of roles, confusion arises. Most household disputes stem from no one being clear on what areas they are supposed to manage. Again, this matter should have been addressed during premarital counseling.
– Advice on in-laws: You need to make sure that you handle in-laws properly, as they may have their own control over your marriage. Remember as a new couple that both of you have just left your places where you were born and raised. You have left places where you have literally spent your life. It takes a long time for parents to finally accept their departure. Make sure you have minimal in-law influence in your home. If possible, don’t stick with too many in-laws as it removes the element of finding out about each other. Feel free to do that.
– There is no rush to have children, take as much time as possible – Some people rush to have children the day they get married. Children are a whole new dimension. They come as an added responsibility that demands the attention of both parents, especially the mother during the initial stages. This tends to steal the heat that could prevail in a relationship. When possible, always delay so that they understand each other as individuals. The focus tends to shift to the children when they arrive and some couples fail this test miserably.
– Develop trust and transparency between them – Relationships thrive on trust and transparency. Since you’ve just met, find ways to hold each other accountable to develop the element of trust. Be open with each other about how you feel about the issues instead of hiding your feelings and exploding unnecessarily.
– Communication should be improved. – Find effective ways to talk to each other. Spend quality time talking about life issues. As the day progresses, check in on each other from time to time. Keep the communication channel open as it makes the relationship much livelier.
– Clarify any expectations you may have of each other – Just as you clarify roles, you should also clarify to each other what your expectations and assumptions are about the relationship. Unmet expectations lead to frustration, repeated frustration is a sure sign of a dying relationship. If the expectations are clear, your partner knows the things you keep in your heart.
– Formulate a common vision and value system – Where do you see the family twenty years from the day of the wedding? Take the time to formulate them as they become the much-needed road map of your marriage relationship. Where there is no vision, people and relationships really suffer and eventually perish.