When your dream dissolves

It is very possible that, at some point, your dream dissolves and you are left looking for comfort. Life doesn’t always go according to plan; Accidents happen, companies go bankrupt, entire economies go into recession. On other occasions it is more prosaic achievements. When I recently turned 40, I finally accepted that my dream of playing top-level soccer had to end! Often the relentless passage of time wears our paper-thin ambitions to shreds. How should we deal with this state of affairs? There are five options:

• approach him differently
• hold on sleep
• leave him
• rework the dream
• replace sleep

First, check if the dream is really impossible. It may simply be that your approach to achieving the dream is flawed. Can you set new goals, try something different, use new ways of working? Remember that if you keep doing the same things over and over again but expect different results, you are defining insanity by your actions. It may also be that you ‘just’ need to hold on to the dream more and work harder to achieve your success. The story goes that in the aftermath of the Great Depression, Conrad Hilton was watching his hotel chain collapse: his dream was dissolving and he was facing bankruptcy. However, he did not despair, but apparently took a photo of the Waldorf Astoria and pasted it on his desk where he could draw inspiration every day. Less than twenty years later, he bought the Waldorf, the dream didn’t die!

Holding on to a dream once it has become completely impossible is not the smart choice. However, this does not stop people from doing it. It tends to leave them in a place where they become bitter and unhappy, focusing on something/someone that prevented them from achieving their dream. They turn into little people because of it.

Giving up the dream seems like the logical way to go, but let’s not rush it. Perhaps the dream is now completely impossible to achieve, in which case walk away. ‘Letting go’ will not necessarily be easy and may even involve a grieving-like period, especially if the dream is something that has been held close by for many years or was about to come to fruition. Allow time to accept the change, deliberately put it behind you, and move on to something new.

However, it may be that the dream is changeable. Dig a little deeper into what you really wanted to happen; what motivated him to follow the dream, what he expected it to sound or look like, what it would have felt like to complete it. Are any of them still achievable in a different way? What was it that he wanted to want to play soccer? Maybe the adulation of the crowd, the buzz from acting, possibly being known for being very skilled at something or something. Take time to reflect and see how part of the dream can be carried out in a modified version. Keep the passion alive and keep going. (Just for the record, for me I wanted to be recognized as someone very skilled and at the top of their game; I’ve now transferred that to other aspects of my work.)

Finally, you have the option to replace the dream. In another article I wrote about how to choose between different ideas. Once the first dream is dead and gone, it’s time to go back to that list and choose something different. You may be able to take modified aspects of the previous dream, as noted above, but if not, then start over from the beginning and turn your latest idea into a new set of goals for the future.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure that when it starts to feel a little shaky that you react, review, and move on. Don’t hide your head in the sand because all your dreams will be buried there with you.