Anonymous switches

It is very difficult to write about this. I am Cathy Graham. I am a switch. 3 hours have passed since my last outage. So the other interrupter is saying, so what? You sure have something important to say. What is the problem?

Its a big problem. Close the door. It says that my idea or thought or refutation is more important than your idea or thought. I’m not saying I’m the only one to blame. We are a society of switches. Every good political debate, decent reality show, and “60 Minutes” investigation usually involves someone interrupting someone else. It is a shame for all of us.

Some of you are not switches. Thanks. Thanks for your patience and forgiveness. For the rest of us who will admit we have a problem, let me give you some advice on how to get to the other side.

1. Listens. I know I’ve written about this before, but it can’t be overstated. Listen actively and stop letting your mind wander into the war zone of rebuttals and / or looking at the clock so that you can pretend that you are really listening. Hmm. I let my coworker speak for at least 2 minutes, so now is my time to step in. Stop. Turn on all receivers.

2. To digest. Enjoy the conversation or discussion. If it’s a team meeting, take it all in. Try to get a complete picture of the other participants’ point of view. Is your teammate telling you that you can’t finish the project? Or was it just not done in the parameters that the team wanted? Or before the deadline you initially agreed to? Admire every detail. Knowing all the details will help you in the end and the rest of the team will be impressed with your knowledge of the facts and details (great, huh?).

3. Lay off. Stay away from making assumptions. This is dangerous territory. If you are assuming, you are not digesting. There is no way you can read someone else’s mind. You may have a good guess about someone else’s motivation, but you can’t know for sure. Your boss may have rejected this idea ten times before, but assuming she’s knocking you down now puts you on the defensive and ignites the game by interrupting. Lay off everybody your beliefs and assumptions. Actually.

Four. Pause. As in, wait a minute picking cotton. Okay, maybe not a minute, but wait 5 seconds. Let there be some air in the room. Let everyone take a breath. Don’t wait ready to refute and / or tear down any ideas that have come up. Pause and breathe. And if someone else steps in, this is your chance to learn patience (not my strong point … this is where I struggle). Participate in listening mode and bite your tongue.

5. Altruistic. It’s about them. Unless this is your wedding day, Eagle Scout induction, or your retirement luncheon, this is always about them. Them, as in, everyone else in the room; your teenage daughter, your boss, your coworker, the soccer team, or the class. If you keep them as your focus, you slowly eliminate the amount of interruptions you are making. If you can keep your focus on them, on your ideas; you will break your habit.

6. Rinse and repeat. Just as your shampoo bottle recommends. Just keep going. There will be times when this is irresistible. Like when someone tries to show me that Napa Valley has the best Zinfandels. I need to smile and listen patiently and suppress the words I want to spit out. Let them have their peace. Let them impart their knowledge. When a manager tries to explain a labor law that I know intimately, as well as the latest regulations, I smile and let them have their due. I’m not going to say that I won’t say anything. But if they ask? Sonoma Valley Old Vine is the best, IMHO. But what do you gain by interrupting to grant that fact? Unless you’re tasting wines or buying a winery, let them get away with it.

I find this to be especially effective with hot topics like politics, religion, and most sporting events (my Alma Mater from college is worth interrupting). I will say that when you listen patiently, smile, and acknowledge others in a heated debate or team discussion, it really improves your reputation. People gravitate towards the listener rather than trying to interrupt. So if you have the habit, acknowledge it and start working on it. You will be on your way to becoming a social mogul.