How to avoid the top 5 mistakes made by parents with adult children living at home

Whether they’ve never left the nest or, like many in the “boomerang generation, come home after some time away, you’re likely struggling to find ways to make your relationship with your adult children living at home work.” . The good news is that adult children can live successfully at home, but only if you avoid some critical mistakes early on (or correct them right away!).

1. Foster rebellion by picking up parenthood right where you left off

It can be hard to remember at times, but adult children living at home are still adults. One sure way to prepare for conflict is to over-breed them.

Adults who are parents and over-supervised will rebel just as quickly as teens, so you need to develop some strategies to establish a new adult-to-adult relationship, fast!

2. Steal your child’s independence by giving him a “free ride”

It can be very tempting to try to help your “boomerang” children by covering all of their living expenses, especially if they have returned home after a personal crisis, such as losing a job or ending a relationship.

But why should they learn to take care of themselves when you are too eager to do it for them? Even a short stay should require your “boomerang” kids to contribute to household expenses and chores. The best way to clearly establish these expectations is by creating a family budget, so that everyone is on the same page in terms of the additional costs that your adult child is causing at home.

3. Assuming that since you are all adults, there is no need for rules.

If you think you don’t need ground rules for your adult children living at home, consider how you would feel if they smoke, drink, or do drugs in your home, or even bring a lover over for the night.

Oddly enough, experts agree that the best way to discuss – and abide by – these house rules is to write a personalized contract between you and your “boomerang” children.

4. Putting your own financial situation in jeopardy to support your adult child

If the adult children live at home, it will use more heat, hot water, and electricity. You will need to buy more food. In fact, all your household expenses will increase. But no matter what you do, don’t risk your own financial future to support your adult child. It does you or your children no good by creating additional debt or obligations for you.

If you don’t know where the money will come from to make the situation work, you need to think carefully about whether you can help your adult child by making him live at home.

5. Assuming they will leave when the time is right

The best way to ensure that your “boomerang” children leave within a reasonable amount of time is to establish a clear timeline for their stay and milestones to help them achieve independence.

Most adult children who live at home do not plan to stay forever. But if they don’t have a clear idea of ​​when to leave, or how they will work to be able to do so, they can end up stuck.

By establishing a timeline with clear milestones, you can train your adult child to leave the nest. If you don’t create a timeline, they may end up calling your home “home” for much longer than you, or even they, had planned.

Final thoughts

Having adult children living at home can be a great challenge for everyone involved. But there are some simple ways to make the situation easier for everyone, and avoiding these 5 dangerous mistakes is a key step.

Remember that a successful relationship with your adult child really comes down to setting good ground rules and managing expectations. One of the best ways to do this is to create a contract that everyone in the household abides by.