What is it to be good? Why self-sacrifice is wrong and principles are so important

self-sacrifice

The Christian religion teaches that self-sacrifice is a quality that we should strive for. The last gesture of the Gospels is to turn the other cheek. No doubt this is preached more than it is observed, and probably not preached as often. Perhaps no one really believes that turning the other cheek is feasible or desirable. However, in a less extreme form, the principle of self-sacrifice is widely held and promoted. It is considered a moral good to sacrifice for others.

It is not just Christians who believe this; it is firmly rooted in western culture. Many agnostics and atheists are believers in principle. I have no doubt that the followers of other religions also believe that self-sacrifice is good. I don’t mean to say that self-sacrifice is bad in the sense of being evil (a meaningless word, but let’s put that aside for now), but I do want to argue that self-sacrifice is wrong.

What is self-sacrifice? It is about directly helping other people at the expense of ourselves. Note that there are two elements at work here: (1) directly helping another person or persons; and (2) do this to one’s actual personal detriment. Helping other people when not to personal harm, or when the benefit outweighs the harm, or when the harm is so small as to be unimportant, does not imply self-sacrifice in this description and is certainly not wrong.

If you are wondering how it can be wrong to sacrifice yourself for others, your question demonstrates the strength of this belief. But those who sacrifice themselves to personal injury inevitably become martyrs. You’ve put many of those, I’m sure. There is one emotion that all living martyrs have in common: resentment. If you give without receiving back, you are going to be resentful for it. Nobody thinks that resentment is a moral good, but rather that it is the natural and inevitable consequence of self-sacrifice.

But isn’t it true that people sacrifice themselves all the time and don’t resent it? If being good isn’t about self-sacrifice, what is it? What constitutes moral goodness? What should be the measure of good behavior? It can’t just be about taking care of the ones we love, because that’s easy, isn’t it?

Principles and values

To answer these questions, we need to take a brief detour and consider the nature of principles and values.

You know what a principle is. It is a belief, appreciated and universally applicable. If you don’t feel deeply about a principle, you don’t hold it. And a person who applies a principle to himself and not to others is justifiably called a hypocrite.

For example, the belief that killing is wrong is a principle; one that most, if not all, adhere to. Some people who hold to this principle also believe that it is acceptable to kill in self-defense when one’s life (or that of a loved one) is threatened. It is not that the principle that one must not kill is not applicable in certain situations: the principles, we have pointed out, are universally applicable. But some principles trump others. Here the principle that one should not kill is subordinated to the principle of killing in self-defense.

Principles are related to values. The higher the value rates, the more important the principle. Values ​​and principles are hierarchical. The principle that one should not kill is based on the value that human life is very important. The principle that one can kill in self-defense is based on the value that one’s own life is more important than the lives of others. For this to be a principle, it must be universally applicable, so the right to defend myself (or those close to me) by killing is generalized as a right not only for me but also for others.

(Since the vast majority of people adhere to this principle, it is used by governments to justify offensive wars. The war department is called ‘defense’, not ironically, but in the hope that we will believe that to be the case.) what it is.”. War is justified according to this same principle, that of self-defense. And many people believe in the argument, or say they believe it. War is usually pursued by specific interests and has nothing to do with self-defense. But this is just an aside.)

We can’t worry about people we don’t know. We really can’t care about people suffering or dying in foreign lands. Not really. And this is just as well. If we felt the suffering of those we do not know as we feel the suffering of those we know, our life would be all suffering.

Of course we care about those we meet; and we care more about those closest to us. After those we love, it is our principles that we cherish the most.

We can’t care about people we don’t know, but we can and do care about our principles. We cannot care about people who are suffering, but we can care that they are suffering. We can also worry about injustice, poverty, lack of opportunity, oppression.

Principles as vital goods

What constitutes good behavior is not self-sacrifice but adherence to good principles. Therefore, our principles (after our loved ones) are the most important of our possessions. People die for them and kill for them. Some principles for some people are more important than their own life or the life of others.

But the fact that people die or kill for their principles does not mean that their principles are correct. The principles, and the values ​​on which they are based, are certainly the setting for discussion, debate and argument. Freedom of expression is often restricted (by law and ideology) to prevent people from discussing the values ​​that underlie the principles. Principles become unquestionable imperatives and detractors are silenced and punished.

Therefore, freedom of expression is vital, because without it people are denied the opportunity to explore and challenge values ​​and principles, which are vital possessions.

How does all this relate to personal sacrifice? The person who sacrifices himself to his own detriment for the benefit of others harms himself. But the person who sacrifices aspects of her life for her principles is not sacrificing at all but is true to herself. This is equally true for men and women.

Self-sacrifice leads to resentment because it is contrary to our interests. Acting in favor of our highest principles, even when doing so entails personal, perhaps even extreme, disadvantages, is not self-sacrifice (in the sense described here) but quite the opposite: fulfillment.

But, the objection may be raised, are not principles that do not involve self-harm likely to be selfish and anything but good? No problem. Values ​​relate to what is important to you. Given that in my childhood I felt subject to great injustice, justice is a particularly important value for me. As I have seen the effects of racism on people close to me, the fight against prejudice is very important to me. The principles I create from my values ​​have universal applicability. Therefore, I am passionate about justice and the fight against prejudice. I am very interested in living and promoting these principles, and doing so is in no way a sacrifice because I am doing it for myself. I may not personally care about all the people who suffer from injustice and prejudice, but I do care about principles and I stand by them.

Similarly, when (for example) you give to charity because people are suffering in a faraway land, you do so because you uphold the principle that people who are suffering in dire circumstances are entitled to our help (or however you phrase it). the beginning) .

Self-sacrifice is negatively motivated.

Self-sacrifice, on the other hand, usually stems from the feeling of entitlement: the search for love; the need for approval. It comes from a negative place rather than a positive one.

We do things for others at our expense because we expect others to love and approve of us as a result, and give us the things we should have received from our parents and caregivers. Works? Hardly ever. What happens when we sacrifice ourselves in this way? They trample on us, take us for granted and treat us with disrespect. So we try harder and sacrifice even more. But it only makes things worse. So how do we feel? Resentful and angry. We treat people with mistrust. We keep them at a distance because it is dangerous to let them in; all we get is disrespect and they take advantage of them. Is this good in any way? Of course not.

Act according to your principles

Good behavior is behavior that adheres to important principles. So don’t worry about what others think of your behavior; judge your behavior by how far it agrees with your principles. People often worry about the emotions their behavior seems to arouse in others. Such concern can allow you to be manipulated. If your behavior makes another feel upset, hurt, disappointed, or disapproved, it may tempt them to modify their behavior or judge you negatively. But you would be wrong to do so. You are responsible for your behavior; others are responsible for their emotions. Reframed: You are not responsible for the emotions of others, but you are responsible for your behavior. You just need to ask yourself if your behavior is consistent with your values ​​and principles. If it is, it is good behavior, whatever the emotional response of others.

If you do not know what your principles are or if the need for love and approval of others prevents you from behaving in a congruent way, you may need the help of an expert to heal and truly become yourself.

Should you judge the behavior of others according to your principles? No. How others live is their personal choice, don’t you think? We are all going to have different values ​​and different principles. I don’t expect others to feel as convinced about injustice and prejudice as I do. But if the behavior of others attacks or inhibits the realization of your principles, then you may feel that you have a duty to challenge such behavior. But, if I may add, do it in a way that furthers your purpose (keeping in mind what your principles are for); don’t just attack to abuse or undermine the person. To do so would undermine other principles it upholds.