Listen to your enemies

“If you listen to them, if you are brave enough to really listen to their story, you can see that most of the time you could have made some of the same decisions if you had lived their life instead of yours.”

~ Amaryllis Fox ~

When I was in fourth grade, I moved to a new school in Greece, New York. I never gave much thought to religious differences before that, but I quickly learned that the Barnard School across the street from St. Charles School was a “Protestant school.” Eventually I learned that they were not only teaching Protestant students, but a wide variety of students from many backgrounds. Although I never heard of it in the classroom, it somehow became common knowledge among us that his students were inferior to Catholics. We only visited his playground when his school was not in session. We also believed that blacks were inferior to us. There were few opportunities to test this belief, as there were no black students in our school, Barnard School, or anywhere else in Greece that I knew of.

After elementary school, I spent nine years in a Catholic monastery and seminary. I also had no experience here with anyone of a different religion or race. There was also a complete lack of people of the female gender.

After leaving seminary, I found myself at the University at Buffalo, where I discovered a wonderful variety of people of all faiths, races, ethnic backgrounds, and sat next to a girl in my first college class. My university years gave me the opportunity to meet the world and its representative inhabitants.

One of my first dates was with a girl whose last name was Luther. I speculated that he might be a Protestant, but his beauty, charm, and kindness left me completely unconcerned about his religious background.

Now, many years later, I find myself in a country made great by its immigrants to whom we owe its survival and prosperity. However, many of us now feel threatened by migrants who come to this country for the same reasons as our ancestors. I also feel surrounded by people who hate others with different political beliefs, religions, races, and sexual identities.

In trying to make sense of this state of affairs, I realized that the hatred I see is often motivated by fear of others who seem different. They are seen as accepting jobs or other benefits that people want for themselves. Yet poor immigrants, regardless of their origin, come here seeking a chance for survival for themselves and their families, just as most of our ancestors did.

The same hatred extends to people with different ways of life. Why we should hate people who differ from us remains a mystery to me. Perhaps some people feel that they would feel more comfortable if everyone around them was like them. However, progress never seems to come from everyone thinking the same way. Different ideas create a challenge for all of us to find better ways to live. However, we will never know what others think or how they can contribute to our lives by fearing, hating and avoiding them. Perhaps we should put aside our fiercely held prejudices and learn to listen to others we have come to see as enemies. They may want the same things we do and might have good ideas to achieve them.

Action steps

• Learn to understand your fear of others and the unknown.

• Read about the way of life of others.

• Take the opportunity to listen to the life experiences of others.

• Do this especially with people other than yourself.

• Find what you have in common.