Tips and tricks for parents: a way for your child to open up
Admit it, you’ve lied to your parents before, one way or another. Now you are looking for a way to break the chain, to let your son know that he is not here to nag but to understand. It is not easy to communicate effectively with a young child, teenager or adolescent.
What can you do about it? Why is it difficult for a child to tell her parents everything? Well, ask yourself that question. Why didn’t you tell your parents about your frustrations at school, getting drunk at a party until 3am and the list goes on?
Is it because you think they wouldn’t understand your situation? Or maybe there is no foundation of trust and openness? Well, you will know more in just a few minutes.
Importance of communication
Communication is the ability to send and receive information. People cannot live without communication because it is a way for an individual to feel part of a group. In this case, the most important group is the family unit. Why?
The family is the first group to which a child is exposed. A unit that informs an individual of the right and wrong ways to behave while identifying one’s wants and needs. It can also be said that a family is comparable to a soccer team where the parents are the coach while the children are the players.
“Mom, I have to go to the basketball event on Friday,” Samantha said as she clasped her hands together and swallowed nervously.
On stage, you can identify two types of communication: verbal and non-verbal.
Verbal focuses on what you say. Samantha told her mom about an event on a Friday night, and that’s what she wants her mom to understand.
Non verbal is the action it shows. When Samantha was asking for her mom’s approval of her, she showed nervousness through her gestures. What does this mean? She may interpret it to mean that she is nervous that her mother might not approve of her or that she must be hiding something.
Between these two, which one do you think is the best and effective one? Studies have shown that non-verbal communication can show the real side of an individual. The verbal can be manipulated, but the non-verbal is like an indication of what a person really feels.
How to communicate effectively?
Effective communication should not be forced, it is better to flow freely without rules or limitations. There are 5 steps to communicating effectively with your children.
- make it a habit
Just like rules, it’s important to teach your child the behaviors you want him to adopt when he’s old enough. Before you act, think about whether it will be good for you in the long run.
Making a habit of sitting down and talking with your child is great practice for effective communication. How can you create this simple activity? You and your family can have dinner while you talk about your day. Or maybe you have a weekly night out with your child.
- Interested
One of the reasons kids don’t tell it is because they think it will bore you. Show interest by putting your phone away and looking at them with exciting prying eyes.
The perfect example is when, as soon as they get home, you can ask them how their day went. Or maybe, if they tell you something, make sure you pay attention and remember it.
- stop shaming
Comparing your child with other children is not the best option. Not only are you making your child feel like they’re not “good enough” for you, but you’re always creating a boundary for the child to open up to.
Instead of saying, “Kate can fold and fix her bed all the time, why can’t you?”. You should say, “Amanda, once you’re an adult you’ll need to make your own bed. What better way to practice than right now!”
- avoid threats
Are you the kind of parent who says, “You better not go out drinking and partying just because your curfew is 12 o’clock at night! If I find out, you’ll get grounded.” Well, it’s normal to warn your child, but this is not the best way to do it.
An alternative is to make your child aware of the dangers of going out unsupervised with children his age.
- help and guide
Being a parent does not mean that your only responsibility is to pay for your child’s education and needs. You should also look for ways to guide your child on the right path.
Studies have found that it is human nature to build a wall when a person feels threatened. This is especially careful when you scold your child.
What you can do is suggest ways to solve a problem. In this way, her son will not only feel that her parents care, but he will be willing to offer a helping hand. Even in, as little as homework or housework.
The nature of children
A child expresses himself in words and shows in action, but is often confrontational. They cover up what they really mean. Why? Parents tend to assume the worst about their children. “No! It’s too dangerous. What if…”this is why children choose to be cautious about what to say to their parents.
So why do children hide their feelings and thoughts instead of telling their parents? If you have been through this yourself, wondered why you did the same thing to your parents, then you must know the answer!
The child can:
Be afraid of not being able to understand.
Children may think that once they tell you their concerns and feelings, they will get a laugh or a scolding from you. This is a sign to avoid embarrassment.
He thinks you know how he feels.
Some kids realize that you may have been through the same dilemma. Once they tell you, you may know too much about how they feel and all they want to avoid is worrying you.
He wants to handle it alone.
There are children who want to be independent, they believe that they do not need the help of an adult. In addition, to demonstrate that they are capable of choosing a decision “similar to that of adults”.
There are four types of children:
Let go
A child who does not make a decision when there is no problem present. It’s the same as studying for an hour before an exam.
worthy competitor
Competition is what motivates the child, they love the feeling of debating or winning. These children choose to enter contests or simply score high on a test.
slow learner
Those who cannot follow the stages of development of an individual. It may take time for them to adjust, but once they do, it will be easier for them. Never pressure children to learn something they are not yet capable of.
mixed
A child can be a mix of everything. Sometimes a kid can be good at math but hate science.
How to create a strong bond
Creating a strong bond is not done overnight. Most parents resort to domineering parenting, which makes children uncomfortable. A strong bond is present when both parent and child care to understand/consider each other’s feelings.
Five principles for a strong parent-child relationship:
acceptance
“Okay, you can start over. But this time I’ll help you learn the subject so you don’t fail the next test!” exclaimed Andi’s mom.
Accept this fact, your child is unique, comparing him to another does not apply. Every child is capable of learning, it depends on how fast or slow it is. Some parents say to their children, “When I was your age, I could do…” stop making those comments.
Weather
“Something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”
It is crucial to spend time with your child. Having a strong bond means being able to be with your child. Even if you are working all day, spend a few minutes of your time. A strong bond will not flourish if you don’t talk to each other.
Confidence
Doubting your child means that you will not give him much freedom. If he thinks he’s doing the right thing, think again. Trust is vital in any kind of relationship, without it you will be restless and paranoid.
Your son is aware when you doubt him. What they are going to do is assure you and not tell everything.
To encourage
“Fear will get you nowhere, it’s better to try and fail than not to try.”
A father needs to be present in the moments when his son does not believe in himself. She plays the role of cheerleader, continues motivating and reasoning the positive factors of failure.
physical connection
A baby needs warmth from its mother to survive. All children need security from their parents, a simple pat or a hug is enough for your child to feel safe.
Studies have found that children who have more physical contact with their parents are more likely to have high self-esteem and pride than those who do not.
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