Beginner Solo Mama Yogi Journey

When the doctor left the room and announced the death of Naa’ila the cry of my voice certainly reached the outskirts of the town. In the middle of that night in late October 2014 I cried out to heaven the sudden passing of my beloved young and beautiful daughter. That very moment of excruciating, excruciating pain contained the corollary of it: a pure state of bliss, of clear connection to some heavenly force pulling me out of reality. I no longer had feet, I couldn’t feel the ground or the physical limits of my body. I had a special force that made me walk, talk and act. The following days were fast, full of people, crowds of colleagues and friends coming and going, helping or crying. In the midst of the momentum I kept repeating the same phrase: life goes on, if I stop teaching, the energy stops and if the energy stops, life stops. Life must go on and I will continue teaching.

That day, twenty people sat in lotus and waited for the class to start. I held the class with the intention of sharing the breath of life, the thread that keeps us all alive, the thread of prana. Since that day, many events have unfolded at an accelerated pace and the time is drawing near to start sharing the heightened states of consciousness that I am experiencing.

How yoga helps me cope with grief from day one is still a developing story; however, I can share some interesting aspects:

– Deep connection with prana: I can instantly switch to another lens of experience and live yoga to the roots of any of its petals (ethics, focus, posture, concentration, meditation, happiness);

– discipline: the more I practice, the less I carry the grievance as a heavy weight, I can cry during a practice and it can burst at any moment, but crying is not grievance but liberation;

– I find harmony, balance and strength as well as routine in practice: the discipline of routine gives me focus to take care of myself;

– The ego is gone: I practice because I need to do something. The practice is all I have to share, the purpose.

In this current incarnation, my life has taken various paths. Like the branches of a banyan tree, most of them have given birth to beautiful and healthy green leaves, and as in the natural cycle of nature, there has also been a change. The green leaves turn brown and fall off giving way to other growing shoots. Approximately four or five changes have been developed. From dancer to international corporate manager and humanitarian worker to holistic healer, life coach and yoga instructor, I have given birth to a beautiful mixed-race daughter who grew up a third culture girl, set up a healing studio and developed an experience more espacious. vision of establishing a full-fledged Yoga and Wellness Studio reaching unusual geographic areas for a healing business: Burkina Faso.

My daughter was a beautiful being, strong and healthy, intelligent and cheerful, patient and graceful. Experiencing her sudden death at my own hands in just about twelve hours due to high fever, I reshuffled all my life cards with no exceptions. She also triggered the immediate and expanded use of every healing tool ever acquired and learned in the last two decades. Also, she led my life on a deeper path of self-discovery. The sale of all the belongings, the delivery of the study, my daughter in ashes, here I was with two small pieces of luggage and a journey to develop deeper.

I am writing this post from the foothills of the Himalayas where I have attended a Yogi initiation course. By the time I leave this place, thirteen weeks will have passed during which I will surely have learned new tools, but learned to silently mourn my loneliness and cleared some foundations to set a new path for my journey: Yogi Mom’s Solo Journey . I miss my partner like the sea would miss the water, but I know that she listens to me, she sees me and she even visits us here. So I am at peace. I’m learning to live in a reality where Naila it is always present in his absence.

Namaste everyone!