Offering Divorce Advice to a Close Friend

What do you do when a close friend files for divorce or seriously thinks about it? It can be challenging to be supportive but objective in your intentions. Homework involves much more than offering a supportive shoulder to cry on.

Here are some helpful tips:

1. Offer your support and be there for him or her. Back it up with action. Be prepared to receive calls at strange times when you need your moral or emotional support.

2. Avoid attacking your spouse. If you want to express your frustration, let it be. But while offering your attention, avoid the luxury of smearing the absent spouse. Offering support does not automatically mean that you have to criticize your spouse.

3. Be a calm and positive source of energy. This can be challenging as many (but not all) divorces tend to be bitter. Encourage calm and peaceful solutions. Avoid making suggestions that cause insecurity and suspicion.

4. A stressed and distracted person is likely to have a lot to do. Offer to help complete them. These could include jobs like paying bills or picking up kids from school.

5. Offer help in calculating and estimating expected monthly expenses for alimony or court settlements. Organizing documents and invoices takes time and concentration that the friend may not have on hand at the moment.

6. Encourage her to share the children with the father. Women are often tempted to inflict “punishment” on their spouses by threatening to cut off access to their children. Kindly explain that children need both parents in the post-divorce phase.

7. Introduce the friend to divorce support groups in her area. It is helpful and therapeutic to meet other people who have been through the same experience. Meditation classes and yoga groups also offer effective internal healing techniques.

8. Encourage him to socialize with close friends. Watching a movie or laughing with a group of supportive friends will help you overcome stress faster.

9. If you know both spouses well, avoid getting into the fray. Listen, but avoid participating in personal discussions that involve the other spouse.

It’s not easy being a good friend while offering objective guidance and support to a close friend in the middle of a divorce. Not all divorces are bitter. Regulate your reaction according to what you see. If your friend needs a personal space for herself, be sensitive enough to acknowledge that need.