Tickling someone who doesn’t like it: clueless or sadistic?

In a recent article, I discussed the question of whether tickling (a child, friend, or boyfriend/girlfriend) is just clean fun, or if it can be considered abuse. Interestingly, when researching both articles, I discovered that most of the search results for “tickle abuse”, “tickle abuse” and “tickle abuse” were for erotic websites.

When I read that first article to a group of professional colleagues, I was surprised by the response: Although I wasn’t sure if anyone would “get” it, in fact, everyone started knowingly nodding, and a couple of people had their own stories. tell. Clearly, he was onto something.

Why is tickling so popular and how does it go unrecognized as a form of abuse?

I believe the answer lies in the fact that the victim inadvertently disguises their own discomfort (both physical and emotional) with the resulting involuntary laughter. Even if the tickle knows that someone who is tickled does not like it, can claim ignorance of the fact by drawing attention to the apparent joy of the victim.

While many ticklers may, in fact, be unaware of the pain they are causing, others know and don’t care. In my research, I came across victims of tickle abuse who testified that they told their tormentors (between tickling sessions) that they didn’t like it. Preset “stop” signs were ignored. And it may be worth noting that the tickle abusers mentioned were, with the exception of one stepmom, male (husband, boyfriend, father, or older brother) and virtually always older, sometimes by a considerable margin.

Now consider the following discoveries:

o Victims described their torturers as “sadists” and “thugs.”

o A ticklish father called his children “sissies” when they complained.

o Victims stated that he “holds me down so I don’t run away”, “he doesn’t take me seriously when I say ‘stop'”, “I can’t defend myself”, and “I thought I was going to die.”

o Victims stated that they could not breathe, cried, choked, gagged, wet their pants, felt sick, and/or vomited.

o One victim called tickling “a horrible humiliation tool.”

I will mention again that various ancient cultures have used tickling as a form of torture.

In short, while a person who enjoys tickling others may, for a while, get away with the claim that he (or she) doesn’t realize the victim isn’t having fun, it quickly becomes clear that he knows it but does not know it. I don’t mind. Not respecting someone else’s boundaries is abuse. Restraining a person against that person’s will is abuse. Touching a person in a way that they don’t want to be touched is abuse. Period.

If you are the victim of abusive tickling, you should know that you have every right to complain, ask for help, call the authorities, ask your tormentor for advice, and/or leave the relationship.

If you are the tickle abuser, stop. Get help. Find an acceptable outlet for your attacks. and/or go out.